her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
