i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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