Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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