its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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