Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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