the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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