I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
