when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
