I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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