so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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