not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
