I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
