I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
