apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
