Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
