I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Its about making memories worth repressing
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
