I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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