the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
