guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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