you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
