In the future we'll all be gay
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
