i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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