all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
