u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
