I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
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