Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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