i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
