mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
