I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's just like the Real World with babies
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We have started to decorate penises.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
