I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize