I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I pour the whiskey from now on
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
