Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
