The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
