I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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