I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
