guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
