Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
