btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just want nice things and good sex
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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