I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
