we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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