I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
