were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
