Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
FUCK WHALES
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize