the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
