This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
