He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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