i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just puked most of my soul out..
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