just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
