Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
