how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
