I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize