I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
