so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
