Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
