hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
