My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
