Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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