good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
