she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
