who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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