There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
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Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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