Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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